Living Alone With Confidence ~ Happiness
Happiness
Here is a link to 10 ways to achieve happiness in life, via science and Buddhist philosophy:
http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/10-things-science-and-buddhism-says-will-make-you-happy
Three Essays:
Time and a static life
Time and the hectic life
10 ways to wake up a static home
Time and a Static life
For those leading static lives, the topic of a static home has more than one post applied to it:
People living alone, even moderately active people, are particularly susceptible to the
predicament of an overly static home, as there is only one person to ‘stir things up’ in the house.
‘Cabin fever’ is the popular term for this situation.
- being dependant most of your life on children and/or business life
- it leads to a dread of going home, and hating to live alone
[Many people run to bars every night to find ‘action’ they don’t know how to develop
at home]
- not caring about time and losing your sense of it can lead to mild dementia in other things
- it causes a sense of isolation, growing and sustaining a fear of the world ‘outside’
- it causes, aides and abets depression and lethargy
My posts on this topic will be about how to overcome and /or prevent these problems of a
static home.
I have a friend who lives alone and walks for hours outside everyday regardless of the weather
partly for health, but mainly because he doesn’t like being in his home.
Most people who dread retirement or fear living alone, simply don’t know what to do with
themselves when they are alone. Perhaps they had others leading their lives for them, perhaps
they did what ever corporations wanted of them all their lives and never had to decide about
what to do on their own.
Many corporations rule not only our work day, but dominate our weekends and entertainment
as well. They began with buying out sports, and carried it into parades for holidays, marathons
for charity, and more. Many corporate workers lives are controlled 24/7 by their corporation,
till they retire or quit work for some reason and move to a different environment. Suddenly, they
are at a loss for what to do with very little adult life time experience of managing their own life.
Many parents have very busy households, where raising children and caring for their spouse
dominates life so much, that when the kids leave home, or the spouse dies, they are at a loss for
what to do with themselves. They never took time to grow up themselves. They never even saw
the need or the handicap it may have imprinted or burdened on those they cared about so much.
They come home alone now, and it is so quiet. It is a tomb. This frightens them. They can’t let
go of the life they had and adjust to the new life on their own. Thinking all their lives about their
dependents, it never dawned on them that it is more often than not, themselves that was the
biggest dependant.
So, what to do? Call someone and let them decide? Join a group and let them decide?
Is the real answer to find some way - any way at all - to get out of the lonely house?
The answer is no, not always. Go out for exercise and to do something, but not just because
you're bored all the time.
These things help, and are fine to do - but you shouldn’t depend upon them for happiness.
You should be happy living alone inside your home for days, all by yourself without developing
a static life or household. Both the home and you should live, breathe and see some action.
This is not going to bed and ignoring the world. I’m talking about being active and creative inside
your own home and on your own.
The fastest way to do this is here, in 10 ways to wake up the home.
Time and the Hectic LifeTime is important to our lives. Pay attention to it and take care of it and it will take care of you.
For those living alone, the house can become static and time can begin to stand still. [a plot for
sci-fi writers]
When you are alone, and you don't go outside, don't have visitors or others coming and going,
the house can easily settle into a quiet, non-changing tomb. It doesn't have to however.
Two main topics I want to cover here:
[1] those with hectic lives, this is in the post just below
[2] those with static lives, this has more than one post applied to it:
People living alone, even moderately active, are particularly susceptible to the predicament of
an overly static home, as there is only one person to ‘stir things up' in the house. ‘Cabin fever'
is the popular term for this situation.
- it leads to a dread of going home, hating to live alone
[Many people run to bars every night to find ‘action' they don't know how to develop at
home. Others are martyrs to the world, always running to do charity or public events,
dependent on ‘somebody else' to bring meaning to their life. Both of these types of people
lack a developed sense of self, self responsibility. They are more of a burden on their
world than they know.]
- not caring about time and losing your sense of time can lead to mild dementia
- it causes a sense of isolation, growing and sustaining a fear of the world ‘outside'
- it causes, aides and abets depression and lethargy
My posts on this topic will be about how to overcome and /or prevent these problems of a
static home. I don't thinks this is just for people who live alone. Couples can have this
problem also.
[1] The hectic life
If you're living a hectic lifestyle, you'll welcome this static environment. It will be like a vacation,
a place to rest and recharge. You want to throw the clock out the window. Now and then, we
all need to curl up in a fetal position and go to sleep in a womb like environment. For a hectic
life, that's not a bad idea at all every now and then. We want our home to be a place to rest
and recharge, but beware of overdoing things here.
A home should also be active, a place for growing and doing things. It should be alive.
In no time at all, a ‘static home' can lead to difficulty adjusting to a ‘normal' world outside your
door. The world is not a static place. It's noisy and rushing along, growing and changing
constantly. A healthy person who is self confident can live easily with that and let the loud bangs
and rumbles float right by them without even noticing them.
Also, if you come home only to rest, and then feel a compulsive need to ‘go out' again,
because being home is some problem for you, then you need to develop more of your personal
life, and self responsibility. Beware of masking that compulsive need to go, go, go, as being
something you're ‘forced' to do, something you ‘have no choice' in. "I have to go to the charity,
they depend on me." Actually, no they don't. One of the first things to learn in life is that
everyone can be replaced in the world, even you. That's a good thing. If they are that dependent
on you, for a long period of time, it's definitely time to stop going and teach them, [and you
probably], to do for themselves. Stay home and find out what you depended on them for, then
develop it without them. Then the next time you go out and interact with them, it will be much
healthier and productive. You might find they didn't need you at all. That should be ok, and not
a problem for you. How you feel about their not needing you will show how dependent you are
on them, not how dependant they were on you. Beware playing the martyr role. No body cares.
You're just masking what a burden you are. Bullies come in two parts, Part A is pushy, Part B
is the ‘victim' the ‘martyr. Don't be a bully, either Part A or Part B. They are equally pathetic.
Stay home and develop you personal identity more. Liven up your home so that it's not just a
rest stop and café.
If you begin to find yourself sensitive to common noises others don't seem to mind, use it as a
signal that your home is perhaps too static and you need to liven it up some, go outside more,
or recognize you're lack of self as it fits in the world around you.
A few signs to watch for:
~ Phone rings alarm you - you think they might give you a heart attack
[Normally, they should get your attention, but never give you a sense of a heart attack]
~ An hour or so of afternoon music from a neighbor's house - is an outrage! Call the cops!
[Normally, no, it isn't, it's enjoyable no matter what kind of music it is]
~ Someone's wrist watch alarm is just totally too loud and inappropriate!
[Normally, no, these alarms are very soft and last one minute at most and shouldn't be any
bother to other people in the room. You should have patience to ignore them easily.]
~ You just ‘can't deal' with that noisy garbage truck - you want to storm city hall!
[Some are smelly as well, and they can get noisy, but are an important part of our world.
Let them do their job. Normally, you should have enough patience to tolerate them and be so
involved with your own life that you won't notice them most of the time.]
~ All siren's seem just too loud and constant. The world coming to an end!!
[Normally, you can learn to let sirens drift about town, without them bothering you or even
noticing them. Only those sirens which come near your home should seem unusual, and
alarm you. Remember, that is their purpose. Alarms and sirens are meant to do just that,
alarm you.
-- If a Fire is near your home you need to know, use nearby sirens to get up and
investigate and find safety if your home is in danger.
-- If it's police cars, use the nearby sirens to know it's a good time to stay inside and let
police catch criminals near your home or sort out traffic accidents without pedestrians or
another car in their way.
-- In short, use the sound of alarms and sirens to stay safe and remember only without
them - not with them - would the world come to an end.
Are there other things we could list here? Let's complain here.
Ten Ways to Instantly wake up a Static Home
10 Ways to Instantly End a Static Household
1. create art - any art, at any level - it doesn’t have to be good, or made to sell,
do it ‘just because’
- It releases much more than a static house, it gives your subconscious mind an
outlet rather than just stir around inside your head - freeing it in a healthy way
to heal as needed
- and by the way, you don’t have to share it with anyone if you don’t want to
- whether or not it’s ‘better if you do’ share it is debatable - it’s more about how
you feel about this. It’s your feelings that are coming out, not those of others
... let it heal awhile or just entertain you
2. study a subject you have an interest in [or better, several subjects] - something you
wanted to study in college but didn’t for whatever reason
Head to the bookstore or library, break out pencil and notebooks
Make some space on the floor if it needs physical action
Get some shelf space if it requires collecting things
Start a lab if need [don’t blow up the house]
3. don’t just sit there and read, study an entire genre [or two]
Write letters to the authors
Keep notebooks on themes, sets, plots, and writing techniques
Draw diagrams of the sets and sketches of the characters
Order books from bookstores
Go on line and study websites of the authors
4. Study cooking - go out on a limb with a specialty.
I got involved in making ‘Mocktails’ which are Cocktails without any booze.
Lots of fun, I was able to share it with the world now and then. I found it
relaxing to come home to one made just for me.
See more on this in the subhead cooking posts.
- note if you’ve cooked for others all your life - do something else now.
Expand your life.
5. be a ‘gamer’, and get into gamming; they aren’t just for kids. Most games are
designed with adults in mind. Chess, RPG’s [you can completely design your own
game here], and of course football or baseball, there are many more to look into
and study [even play] on your own [beware the phenomenon of poker and the
lottery]
6. computers - what can I say here… it’s wide open, let it take you where ever you
want to go
7. write - a book, poetry, letters to people around the world, letters to family and
friends or to politicians
8. study a form of self healing, [aromatherapy, yoga, massage - whatever] get to
know your body. Heal what you can, and then if you need a professional, you will
be able to communicate with them better.
9. Don’t just watch movies or TV, study them. Get a camera and post your
| own on YouTube.
10. take up any craft or hobby, hopefully lots of them: woodworking, sewing,
origami, gardening - anything
I have a subheading for Hobbies. These are very important for a person living
alone to have. There are matters to consider here. Living alone, you can only do so
much. Some hobbies are huge endeavors and can overwhelm one person and their
home. If you wake up one day and feel overwhelmed, or that you are living ‘inside’
your hobby perhaps you should let go of it. This can be hard to do sometimes.
See more posts on this in the Hobby subheading.
You could say almost all Ten items in this list are a type of hobby, and you’d be
correct. I’m trying to show variety and scope of what can be pursued on your own.
Nudging your mind and heart into action.
Once you become creative, your home has a new life and energy. You will still lose
track of time now and then, but more often, you will check the clock for some need
the creative endeavor requires. Time will begin to matter. You won’t be lonely
anymore. You will be required now and then to go out and get something your creation
or study needs. You, your creation, and your home will find a new life and begin to grow.
You will develop self confidence. [You failed at one, don’t worry, go get another one -
do lots of them. If you feel totally incompetent at everything, then make failure itself a
creative endeavor. Start a blog on failure. It’s doing that matters here, not the product.]
Who knows, eventually, you might even find others to share this passion with, but then,
maybe not. It can be yours, all yours. It is your personal private treasure with no
competition, no need to prove anything; just your own creative outlet.
If you find this selfish and don’t think this is ‘giving’ to the world - you are wrong.
You do it mainly for the purpose of interacting with the world not shutting it out.
It keeps you active in ways which going out of the home to seek others to ‘do for,
or do for you’ would never accomplish. It matures you, that’s Y-O-U. You need
to develop ‘in private’ as well as ‘in public’. You need a sense of ‘self’ and
‘personal identity’ totally not dependant on others but dependant only on yourself.